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Past and Peace

  It was the closure I never knew I needed, it came in a dream, and I woke up with the vividness still lingering in my mind. All the hurt deeply rooted in the unspoken pain I ignored for years was given a much-welcomed atonement. He came to me in a dream, we were both surprised to see each other, and I felt the emotions I once felt for him; the moment I saw him from afar; my heart raced with excitement and gladness, a moment where I thought I belonged to someone, I am his, he was mine, and everything around us went a blur. I would like to believe that the dream is the unspoken apology- my heart sought healing for a while until it numbed from waiting until I forgot that there was a wound that scarred my capacity to open myself to anyone again.   In that dream, the flashback came like a flood seeping through every crevice of the past we once shared; his smile brightened up the room, and I was reminded of how much I know him- and how much I don’t, and how much I wished every...

First Day at the Gym


What better way to start the summer than to start preparing for the beach body everyone is craving for, so I searched deep in my stash of unused ID’s and looked for that overpriced gym membership card I paid for but never really had the chance nor the intention to use.

I started my day with a cup of coffee hoping to boost my energy and get me pumped up. Just the thought of going to the gym is like going to the dentist, such a herculean task and extremely frightening. I pulled my duffle bag from the closet stacked inside my “never been used bags” inside my cabin size luggage.  At this point,  thoughts are running through my head, it’s been a while since I've been there and I feel like every time I go there, all these watchful eyes are on to me with tyranny.    

I went on to fill my toiletry bag with soap, shampoo, lotion, aloe vera gel, deodorant, toothpaste, toothbrush, comb, gel, and sunblock. I almost forgot that I’m not heading to the beach yet! Like, seriously, sunblock?!

Still feeling a bit disheartened, I took my white running shoes and a pair of socks and placed it in a bag. It seems like I have a bag for everything, for gym clothes, for toiletries, for shoes and even for my water bottle. I even have a spare grocery tote bag on the side, just in case I want to drop by the groceries right after my work out.  At this point, my bag is so full it looks like I’m going on a hike or a three day vacations somewhere.

As I approach the gate, I sensed this invisible force pulling me back inside the house like I’m in a Bermuda triangle of laziness. Should I really go to the gym? Can’t I just watch Netflix and finish the seven seasons of scandal again? Every step is a leap of faith. There is a sigh of relief when I was able to turn the knob of the gate, freedom at last! Then as I walk on the street to hail a ride, it dawned on me that I forgot to bring a towel and my keys.

So I end up going back to the house, picking up the remote and watching scandal on Netflix for the third time. Kidding! Of course I went to the gym. As a matter of fact, here I am now, typing with arms clenched on my shoulders, ahh the glory of pain!

 I’ve realized that going to the gym is like travelling to a very beautiful place that took a very long time to reach, once you’ve been there, your fascination will make you wonder when you’ll return again, but you never really will.




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