Call Me by Your Name

*photo from the traveler's vignette

I am so grateful that I watched this movie alone in my room because I was really able to cry and not hold back. The last scene where Elio sat before the fireplace and cried his heart out with so much pain reminded me of what it feels like to be left out after such immense and profound affection for someone. The heartbreak resonates with every tear that comes out of his eyes as he watches the fire glistens and burns the wood into dust. Ahh… Call me by your name- I once did, but never, never again.

It’ s so amazing how a movie can be so devastatingly beautiful, how it can capture the joy in moments so mundane and uproot a love so deep and hidden. What may come as a sequel of the film will be the real ending of the book when they actually meet again after so many years and how Elio have kept his emotions so fresh and untainted and can be felt in every dust that accumulated in every corner where they celebrated their mutual longing.

Maybe the danger of putting our hearts on our sleeves is that the chance of pain is exponential than that of  happiness because life can be such a bitch, and as humans, we are just meant to nibble the crumbs of instances that take our breaths away.

While watching the movie, I can’t help but see myself in Elio’s naïve character, all things new, all things unfamiliar, devoided of reality, full of what ifs  and hope, yet at the back of my mind I know that everything must end, because people not destined are never meant to stay. As the fire glistens and burns the wood into dust, as his tears fall from his innocent and aching eyes, I have also reached my poignant culmination, for I know more now than to ask you to call me by your name, because after all this time, I must, and never let myself be vulnerably stupid and weak to call you by mine.