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Past and Peace

  It was the closure I never knew I needed, it came in a dream, and I woke up with the vividness still lingering in my mind. All the hurt deeply rooted in the unspoken pain I ignored for years was given a much-welcomed atonement. He came to me in a dream, we were both surprised to see each other, and I felt the emotions I once felt for him; the moment I saw him from afar; my heart raced with excitement and gladness, a moment where I thought I belonged to someone, I am his, he was mine, and everything around us went a blur. I would like to believe that the dream is the unspoken apology- my heart sought healing for a while until it numbed from waiting until I forgot that there was a wound that scarred my capacity to open myself to anyone again.   In that dream, the flashback came like a flood seeping through every crevice of the past we once shared; his smile brightened up the room, and I was reminded of how much I know him- and how much I don’t, and how much I wished every...

The Courage I Found

I tried to search for love to escape myself, to escape everything that is wrong about me, I yearned for a validation I cannot give myself, a hope that I cannot provide, and so I searched for a love that will save me.
Only to find out that it is so self-destructive to rely on someone else’s love to fill the void. On hindsight, I realize that no one can fill my cup but me. Courage is such a rare trait, but when you search deep within, it will always be there.
So since then, I have convinced myself that in order for others to value my worth, I have to value mine first. And that courage, the one that hides underneath the flesh of self-doubt, will reveal itself when I have no other choice but to face life at face value.
The love that I tried to fill my void is gone, but in the process of losing the love I thought would save me, I found the courage to love myself again. With the support and help of my family and friends, I now know my worth. I finally realized, I am as rare as the courage I found.

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