Fourth of Many: Perfection

photo: kintsugi

I remember when I was asked about myself during a job interview, I said with pride that I am a perfectionist, I always believe that things must be in pristine order- that everything has to be aligned with my virtues and that everything must follow the set standards. But as I grow older, the notion of perfection slowly vanishes in my vocabulary as a virtue to uphold or something to be really proud of. As time goes by, I’m beginning to understand that perfection is fear hidden in sheep’s clothing-a euphemism for the cowardice of being wrong or of failing. I once read in a book that being perfectionist is just being self-aware, but now I find that being too self-aware can be so caustic, like vitriol, that can be too corrosive to my dreams.

But where do we draw the line between perfection and mindfulness?

How do we know when we are getting overboard with being too meticulous and too calculated?

I have no idea, but what I am sure with is that the notion of this perfection has made me pass on a lot of opportunities that if I were brave enough to pursue without overthinking of what other people might say in case I fail, I would have been so much more. But here’s the thing, later in life, I realize that this fright is really part of the road I have to travel- that the discovery of the real face behind the mask of this pseudo virtue is something I am meant to unravel eventually. I am still proud of what I have become, and as for the opportunities I missed; I would like to think that I am not destined to partake in that detour.

I am against the idea that one must be perfect for his value to be fully realized, the gauge of worth should not be based on what we have accomplished, instead, on the characteristic, we gained and developed as we discover and accept our realities.  Needless to say, the authentic self is revealed once we face our fears, demons, and desires, because often, like any piece of art, the authenticity can be measured based on the uniqueness of the form, and this form has been subjected to so many experiences and endeavors.

 Beauty in itself should be like the Japanese art known as kintsugi, a method for repairing broken ceramics with a special lacquer mixed with gold, silver, or platinum. We must treat our cracks and dents with pride and importance; more so, we should celebrate them, lace them with gold, silver, or platinum because they are part of our history and our identity. 

Scars are reminders of battles won over, and pain is a reminder that we are still capable of feeling, that we are not numbed by life or by our existence and that our body recognizes the threats it has to protect itself from.

Perfection by value is an ornamental porcelain fruit, beautiful but worthless, it doesn’t have any juice nor can provide sustenance. I hope everyone can appreciate the pursuit of reality rather than live in the bubble of consummation because sometimes, it’s when we expect less from ourselves that we become so much more.