Kindness is what I want to gift myself this year, kindness to the people around me, to my peers, to my family, and, most importantly, to myself.
The past year has taught me to be calm in chaos- to breathe and let go of the things I cannot control, to extend patience to the things I must pursue, and accept that I am always in the processes of learning.
This year I want to master kindness, to instill this virtue to myself- so much so that I develop muscle memory- to do it without thinking, to act on it without judgment, to just be kind.
I realize that I was too much to myself- an unnecessary burden I placed on my shoulders. I carried with me this pressure that has to be lifted every time I want to accomplish something. So this year, I am putting the load off, I am placing it behind me because I know that I have nothing more to prove and that everything I must accomplish is simply an act of learning.
Love, this year, will exist in a different form. It will not be a shallow pursuit of affection, nor will it be a random chase of the emotional quench. Love, this year, will exist in my palm, always ready to touch my face, to scratch my eyes, to remove the setting tears, to remind me of what I deserve, to remind me that I am enough, I am graced, and I am complete. Love this year will not be a race for a better half. Instead, it would be a cast that will give shape to the fingers that will fill the spaces between my hands. It will be cured for a long time, enough to know that it is strong enough to hold me when I lack strength when I’m unable to hold myself on my own and when I celebrate little victories. Love, this year, will be stronger than the past, hopefully, strong enough to be held for the years to come, But love, this year, will also be my cast, to give shape to my strength so when no one comes to save me, I will be strong enough to hold myself and carry me through. Likewise, it will be cured for a long time, enough to hold the hand of the person who will need my strength, who’s unable to hold himself on his own and to celebrate his little victories. Love this year will mold hands, together or alone, it will stand on its own.
Faith will be the foundation of my truth, the true witness to my flaws- my hidden desires, my darkest secrets, and my longings. In Him, I will surrender my life, my heart, and my soul. To Him, I will entrust myself, to be guided to the path of my destination, to be the lighthouse in the stormy sea, He will be the source of my light, He will be the source of Grace- of everything, of all the triumphs and lessons- lessons from pain, from heartaches, from sorrows, lessons from happiness, victories, and successes. He will be my resting place, my solitude, and my Sun. He will shine the light to the shadows of my defeats, my illumination to the discovery of my purpose. He will lead my way.
This year is my year of repair- a fix to the damage of the past, glue to the dents of my failures, this year is about being true to what I am meant to become, an awakening of the sleeping potential hidden under the sheets of uncertainties and self-doubts. This year is also my re-pair, to find the saucer that will compliment my cup, the cuffs that will fit perfectly to my collar, this year is about my heart being hopeful of finding someone to share moments with, not just the good ones, but also someone who will be tough enough to stay even in the bad.
This year I will be kind to myself, and I will keep a hopeful heart, that in everything, with every fiber of my being, I will still believe that I am not a lost cause- I’m not even lost, I am simply a shore full of wonders, a beautiful destination for someone who wishes to stay, an island full of possibilities waiting to be discovered.
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