Skip to main content

Featured

Past and Peace

  It was the closure I never knew I needed, it came in a dream, and I woke up with the vividness still lingering in my mind. All the hurt deeply rooted in the unspoken pain I ignored for years was given a much-welcomed atonement. He came to me in a dream, we were both surprised to see each other, and I felt the emotions I once felt for him; the moment I saw him from afar; my heart raced with excitement and gladness, a moment where I thought I belonged to someone, I am his, he was mine, and everything around us went a blur. I would like to believe that the dream is the unspoken apology- my heart sought healing for a while until it numbed from waiting until I forgot that there was a wound that scarred my capacity to open myself to anyone again.   In that dream, the flashback came like a flood seeping through every crevice of the past we once shared; his smile brightened up the room, and I was reminded of how much I know him- and how much I don’t, and how much I wished everything didn’t e
Post a Comment
Read more

Lockdown Journal Entry # 2 April 17, 2020



I’ve been missing in action for the past two days since I started this journal because I was feeling a bit down. Last night I meditated and prayed so hard to ask God to give me some guidance, then I stumbled upon an audio journal I made last January 2019 so I listened and contemplated for a while. My take away is that I haven’t really changed much. My state last year was almost exactly where I am right now, same issues, same thoughts, same things I want to change, but I am particularly disheartened that I have been falling down the hill these past few months. So right then I’ve decided to turn things around and forgive myself for slaking off. I will go back to my mantra “ Never go in search for love, instead, go in search for life and life will find you the love you seek” 

While I was browsing youtube last night, I came across this word that really resonated with me the whole time, ELOHIM, yesterday, today and forever. 
Maybe this is God calling me back to him, and my only reply is Yes, a million times yes. I would like to believe that I had a divine intervention last night. It was a hard process but it allowed me to see through myself with transparency, humility and honesty. 

I am not at peace with the uncertainty, but I am learning to box the fear and set it aside. Everyone’s path has been shifted, there is a detour, delay or halt, it’s undeniable how it can cause extreme dismay to the point of giving up, but what we can do is to find a force within ourselves, a flicker of light hiding behind the closing door, that alone can spark something within us and make us feel safe again.

As for my flicker of light, it resides within the four walls of my room, tucked under my pillows where hope finds its peaceful slumber.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular Posts