I am trying my best to have an optimistic outcome with everything that is happening in the world, but I feel like we were left in the middle of the dessert with nothing but a cup of water evaporating ever so swiftly like our sanity. I can get out of the house and bike around because I am the designated quarantine pass holder but I rather not expose myself to the tumultuous ghost town with a microscopic and invisible enemy. But a few days ago, I dared to go out to buy pandesal for our breakfast. In my observation, the way people still behave outside their homes makes me conclude that they will never take this pandemic seriously, true to the words ignorance is a bliss.
I’ve been a teacher for a while now and I have adopted this habit of reading plenty about something that concerns me and mostly my students so that when they will ask me about it, I can reply with facts, and this pandemic is so disastrous that I envy the level of ease that these people who can shrug off this disease as if it’s just a pimple that will eventually go away.
Two days ago, an acquaintance doctor passed away, he had a cardiac arrest and was found lying on his bathroom floor unconscious; they said it was because of over fatigue after a three-day straight duty, he was only 30 years old. What happened to him made me realize how abhorring our situation is, the oath we take, is, after all, not just lip service, but a full commitment out of our principles. I will never be that brave, I guess.
I am also beginning to consider death as a gift bonus from God, like a permanent vacation, I’ve been putting myself in the shoes of the departed, I realize that I have everything all covered, the insurance money will cover for my burial, my things, which I kept in mint condition, especially my shoes, can be used by my dad or by my brother- in- law. I cannot think of one enemy to whom I need repentance, and I never really kept any grudge for anyone, so suffice to say I am covered. Perhaps I kept my circle small so that I can easily be forgotten, and well, I don’t really see the value in being remembered anyway, it’s like I’m just one wallflower in everyone’s ball. The self-pity is so palpable, Ken, or is it an enlightenment? Whichever, I’m all set, although, I’m also trying to process the thought of afterlife, after watching the Korean movie Along with the gods, I don’t know what to make out of it, although, I must really need an outstanding team of trial lawyers. Anyway, this is all for today, I hope whoever reads this is having a greater day than I am, for now, let’s be grateful for another day to be alive. To my future partner, if ever you might come across this someday, no, the love of your life is not mentally derailed (I hope so), he is just processing things at a very slow pace. Meanwhile, drink the coffee I made for you.
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