My new normal is waking up late and staying up till 3:00 am. I’m having a difficult time changing my sleep pattern, but I think this will do for now. I guess I can accomplish plenty during dawn than in the early morning, I can even reflect and do some devotion too. I’m beginning to shy away from Netflix and youtube too, and im also beginning to appreciate the different sounds around me, like the flow of water, the sound of the keyboard, the sound of my blanket when the surfaces rub each other. But what I want to master is to be comfortable with silence. To be one with the loss of sound. I find it particularly jarring whenever I hear nothing, I feel instantly bored, perhaps because I am used to multitasking where one sense works for two outputs.
I’ve been looking forward to Fridays ever since I started watching 2gether. I don’t know if my heart is yearning for a partner or I am just swooned by the actors in the series, but if I were to really take it in, I am hoping to have the same flow of relationship that they have. So I guess I have to evaluate what I look for in a partner:
On the topic of partnership, here is my take, and perhaps here is where I should have focused on when I had one.
1. Partnership is walking side by side, meaning, one is not ahead of the other, and one should always look out for his partner in case one is getting behind. Everyone must be happy and supportive of the other's success, not threatend by it.
2. Partnership is not a competition of who gives more or who receives more. It should be a conscious decision of sharing whatever one can put on the table.
3. Partnership should not neglect the individuality of each person involved. Respect of privacy is still important, that will be the test of trust. There should still exist a boundary no matter how much conjugality is involved.
4. Your goals in life should not just depend on your partner. It is important to still have your own dreams, and to pursue them, and it also goes both ways, your responsibility as a partner is to support your better half to achieve his goals, even if it means letting him do things on his own ( just always be there to be his support system).
5. Having a partner means having the guts to call out on your better half, but telling it in a manner that will not offend, and will allow him to understand why he was wrong.
6. You can never really change him. It is not your job to transform him into your ideals, you should have accepted him right before, or else, you shouldn’t have started the relationship if you cannot. Imagine how hard it is to change you, now imagine how much harder to change someone else.
7. It takes a lot of bravery to admit a fault to your partner, or to share what you truly feel. If your partner tells you he is feeling something unprecedented or if he feels lonely, sad or depressed, never shrug or dismiss his feelings just because you don’t want to deal with him. You are his confidant, that’s part of the deal. Partnership should be for the good times and the bad.
8. Do not lose yourself in the relationship. Do not make him or yourself the center of your relationship, find a common ground, and if I may suggest, faith is always the best center.
9. Be in a relationship when you are ready, not because you are lonely.
10. There will be so many challenges ahead of you. The real story starts after the end of the fairytale. Happily ever after is a stupid epilogue. There will come a time when things will lay low and the honeymoon phase will be over. I hope that when everything whines down, when everything settles, when the partnership becomes boring, you are still happy to spend the boring times with the person you chose. Because true love is giving a part of yourself freely without asking anything in return. My hope is that, while you would never ask nor beg for it, your partner will give you love as freely as you and as bountiful as you offer it to him.
Come to think of it, it’s been a year since I last had a relationship. I am so certain that I am ready to love again, and when I do, I trust that the next person I will fall in love with is someone God sent for me. I am so sure of this, you know why, just in case you ( future partner) would stumble upon this, I am sure, because I have prayed for you.
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